


I Find Meaning

by FeralCreed



Series: Finding Bucky [4]
Category: Ant-Man (Movies), Captain America, Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Crack, Darcy is a bamf, Depression, F/M, Feels, Flashbacks, Fluff, Happy Ending, How Do I Tag This, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, M/M, Medical issues, Nightmares, PTSD, Slow Burn, Steve just wants to help, aou semi-compliant, bucky has problems, headcanons, i don't really know how to tag this, mcu - Freeform, most of it is pg13, or at least not-sad ending, rape mention, really slow burn, self-harm mention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-26
Updated: 2016-03-01
Packaged: 2018-04-28 05:36:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5079790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeralCreed/pseuds/FeralCreed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Can be read independently of the rest of the series.</p><p>Bucky's come back to Steve again, trusting the blond super-soldier with his life and, more importantly, his heart. Now that they've entered into a relationship, they're working to define what that relationship is. During this process, Bucky does his best to remember personal preferences and old memories, and Steve is determined to be there for him every step of the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

Bucky let his eyes close as Steve kissed him. He tasted like coffee and smelled like mint, and Bucky had never found anything he needed more. There was a faint taste of salt in his own mouth from crying but Bucky was barely conscious of anything besides the fact that Steve was still holding him, that Steve didn't hate him, that Steve loved him. Even if he didn't deserve it, Steve's lips met his again, and he was lost in a sense of security he hadn't felt in over seventy years.

 

It was Steve who pulled away first. Bucky muttered a little noise of disappointment that made Steve's lips curve into a smile. “Sorry, but it is almost two in the morning. You did wake me up in the middle of the night, happy as I was to oblige. And I don't want to push you tonight.” Steve's hands slipped to Bucky's elbows, then up to hold Bucky's hands in a soft hold. “How about I meet you for breakfast tomorrow morning?”

 

“How about you don't leave me?” Bucky asked. For an adult, he sounded strangely like a lost puppy. “If I wake up on my own on the other floor, I'll think I was dreaming this.” His lips pursued over soundless words, and eventually he pleaded, “Let me stay?”

 

Steve was certain that Bucky knew the extent of the influence he held over the blond super-soldier. “Okay,” he agreed, his breath leaving in a sigh as he smiled. “Just one night, though.”

 

Bucky's lips twitched into something more teasing than a smile but softer than a smirk. “Isn't that what you always told yourself when you found a stray cat by the garbage cans?”

 

“Well, you're definitely an improvement over stray cats,” Steve replied, mouth blooming into a smile. “But yes, I did say that. Quite a few times, actually.”

 

“You always ended up keeping 'em as long as you could.”

 

Steve chuckled. “I did. Drove my ma crazy. Used to tell me that-”

 

“You needed to eat your food yourself instead of smuggling it to those flea-bitten animals.” Bucky bit his lip but this time he was grinning rather than trying to hold back tears. He didn't seem at all inclined to be apologetic for interrupting, instead seeming pleased. “Even back then you always wanted to take care of everyone.”

 

“I'm gonna take care of you too. That is, if you want me to.”

 

Bucky reached up to briefly press his lips against Steve's. “Till the end of the line.” His gaze flicked down to their hands, then back up to Steve. Steve huffed softly in laughter, looking at Bucky in equal parts caring and wonder. “What?” Bucky asked, tilting his chin back.

 

“I was just thinking... After everything that happened... You're so brave.”

 

Bucky was puzzled. “Brave about what?”

 

“What you just did. If it had been me, I would have just curled up somewhere and never let you find me. Coming back to the Tower was so brave of you, never mind the kissing.”

 

“Never mind the kissing?” Bucky repeated, grinning. “I'll have to work harder at it, then.”

 

Steve smiled but his eyes were still serious. “No, I mean it, Bucky. I'm-I'm really proud of you. And I'm so grateful. Ever since I first knew it was you on the bridge, I felt so lonely. Knowing you were with HYDRA or alone made it so much worse-”

 

“Steve, stop.” Bucky brushed his thumb across Steve's lips. “I don't want to hear that. You shouldn't have had to hurt for me. There was enough happening that I shouldn't have put a burden like that on you, even if I didn't know about it.”

 

“I wouldn't relinquish it for anything in the world.”

 

“Not even for me?”

 

“For you, I would do anything.”

 

“Then promise me that you'll always tell me when you hurt. Even if it's obvious. And promise me that you'll never shut me out. I don't want to be apart from you again. Not after everything's that happened. I want to relearn you. Your favourite food, the music you like, where you like to shop. Maybe I'll figure out how I like things along the way.”

 

Steve pulled Bucky into his embrace. “I promise. We can take things as quickly or slowly as you want. Tomorrow, though, we should talk to the team if you're seriously considering staying at the Tower. Most of them have never seen you, and I don't want an accident happening. They're good people, but I don't want to take any risks.”

 

Bucky nodded in agreement and snuggled into Steve's shirt. “Could we go shopping first? Just about everything that Stark got for me has you on it. I like you but I'd rather wear something a little different the first time I meet the rest of the team.”

 

Steve laughed. “Yeah, that sounds like Tony. He has quite an interesting sense of humour at times. I think he'd deny it if you said it to him, but he's actually a really nice guy. Funny, laughs a lot, but he can be serious too. Do you know where you want to go shopping?”

 

“No idea.”

 

Steve hummed quietly. “I guess we'll figure it out tomorrow. Want to go to bed?”

 

Bucky hadn't been tired until Steve mentioned bed, but at the word he yawned. He could feel Steve's chuckle and he smiled despite himself. “Yeah. I hope you have a bed big enough for two of us.”

 

Steve snorted. “Don't worry about that. Tony refused to hear of the floors having anything smaller than a king-sized bed.”

 

“I bet it beats anything we had before the war,” Bucky suggested.

 

“Yeah, it does. Do you have pajamas?”

 

Bucky realized for the first time that he'd gone to sleep in his street clothes. The combat-style gear was less than comfortable, even if he was only just now realizing that. “Er... no, not really. Can I borrow something?”

 

“Of course.” Steve found a set of pajamas for Bucky to wear and got into bed as Bucky changed in the bathroom.

 

Bucky joined him a few minutes later. He laid on his stomach but turned his head to look at Steve. “Ya sure this isn't some kinda dream, Stevie?”

 

Steve smiled. “I'm sure. Are you gonna go to sleep?”

 

“Probably. And this time I won't run. I won't leave.”

 

Steve managed a shaky smile. “Thank God. When you were gone all day... when JARVIS said you'd just left...I was so scared.”

 

“I'm sorry, Steve.” Bucky reached his hand out to wipe the tear falling down Steve's cheek. “Would it help if I promised I wouldn't do it again?”

 

Steve huffed. “You can leave the Tower whenever you want, Buck. I just... don't... Let me know if you need to _leave_ leave. When you need time by yourself you can have it, just let me know when you're going. I thought you'd been taken until JARVIS said you'd left the city under your own free will. But for hours, I just didn't know.”

 

“You thought HYDRA had taken me,” Bucky realized. “Thought I'd been kidnapped. Believe me, if they try, you'll know. I'd be screaming in fear till I threw up.” His tone of voice explains better than any further words that he was speaking from experience. “Since you promised to be there for me, I know you'll come. Whenever that happens, if it happens, I'll have someone coming for me. Not like before.”

 

“Not like before,” Steve agreed. “Bucky, I wouldn't blame you if you didn't trust me.”

 

“I do trust you,” Bucky interrupted. “With my life, and something a lot more important.”

 

“What could be more important than your life, Buck?”

 

“With me. All of me. My history. How I think. Stuff that goes on in my head.”

 

“Sgt. Barnes,” JARVIS said, sounding almost apologetic. “I'm sorry to interrupt, but Mr. Rumlow is demanding quite insistently to know where you are.”

 

“Tell him I'm staying with Steve for the night,” Bucky answered. “I'll be back sometime tomorrow but I'll be gone most of the day.”

 

JARVIS was silent for several minutes before speaking again. “Mr. Rumlow wishes you to ask Captain Rogers for the definition of a 'porno'.”

 

Bucky's eyebrows rose. “Oookay. Steve, what's a porno?”

 

Steve burst into whooping laughter that made the bed tremble. “It doesn't matter, Bucky,” he promised. Bucky only raised an eyebrow and waited for an explanation. “Well, it's, er, something thoroughly inappropriate. A movie about sex. People having sex.”

 

Bucky smirked. “You mean fonduing, don't cha, Rogers?” he asked teasingly.

 

Steve laughed until he cried.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A day late of my supposed week-long interval, but... Eh. Clint decided to show up looking for food, surprise. Bucky's gonna have to get used to the fact that he's basically been adopted. Plus, I refuse to acknowledge half of AOU (read: family, BruceNat, Pietro dying) but I liked the idea of Clint having a little country place, especially since he did come from a small town in Iowa, so there's a family farm. Makes as much sense as canon, okay? Next chapter should be up within a week or so!

Bucky woke to warmth and sunshine. He stretched under the blankets, his left knuckles scraping gently against the wall as yawned. Steve was still asleep, although unconscious would probably be the more accurate word to describe his current state. Bucky couldn't help a muffled snicker when Steve snored, and the snicker turned into full-blown laughter almost instantly.

 

The noise woke Steve, who stared groggily at Bucky as if trying to remember why he was there. “What are you laughing at?” he finally asked.

 

“Captain America snoring in bed,” Bucky replied, fighting to get the words out between giggles. “You just... Oh, I can't even say.” He laid back, covering his face with his hands as he laughed. “Stevie, if I didn't know better I'd say I was drunk or drugged or something. Although this feels a sight better than getting drunk under the table.” Moving swiftly, he rolled over in bed and kissed Steve briefly. “Well, anyway. Good morning, Steve.”

 

Steve had as much luck holding back a grin as Bucky had holding back his laughter. “It's definitely a good morning. What do you want for breakfast?”

 

“No idea,” Bucky answered promptly. “Let's try a bunch of stuff and see what tastes good? A little bit of everything?” His voice was unmistakably hopeful but held a guarded note that meant he was expecting Steve to refuse.

 

“Sounds great,” Steve agreed. “Although I'll warn you now that I'm not too good at cooking. I'll probably burn half of it.”

 

“I've had plenty of experience with burning food in the last couple weeks, believe me. Brock managed to char a pot he was supposed to be boiling water in and exploded a TV dinner in the microwave. Yeah, you can laugh, but you weren't the one hoping the idiot live-in mercenary wouldn't set the kitchen on fire every time he stepped foot in it.”

 

“I hope you know how to cook some things or we'll be living on takeout for a while.”

 

“Doesn't matter either way,” Bucky promised. “Living with you, I don't care what we eat. I've eaten worse. Come on, let's go see what you've got in your kitchen.”

 

Steve groaned, unwilling to leave the hallowed sanctuary of the covers, and flopped his arm over his eyes. “Buckyyy. It's too early. Go back to bed for another couple hours.”

 

“How about I go look and tell you what looks good?”

 

“Yes.” Steve sounded like he was already half-asleep again, and Bucky chuckled as he pushed the covers back and got out of bed.

 

“If you fall asleep again I'm getting Clint to help me,” Bucky warned.

 

Steve sat up, blinking against the soft light. “I'm awake, I'm awake,” he grumbled. “Just don't let Clint in the kitchen.”

 

_“I heard that!”_

 

Bucky and Steve stared at each other in surprise. The dark-haired soldier was the first to reach the door of the bedroom, and he held Steve back as he peeked out. As soon as he saw the person in their apartment he relaxed. “It's Barton,” he told Steve, opening the door the rest of the way. “Hey, Clint. What are you doing?”

 

“Looking for food, obviously.” Clint pulled a box of Pop-Tarts down from a shelf and examined the writing on the side. “Have you tried these chocolate ones?”

 

“Not yet.” Bucky came out of the room and walked into the kitchen. Steve followed him, yawning again. “We were going to make something a little more substantial. Unless we set the kitchen on fire or something.”

 

“What are you thinking?” Clint asked.

 

“I don't know what we have, so...” Bucky's voice trailed off and he shrugged.

 

“I've been looking through your pantry for the last ten minutes, so I know exactly what you have.” Clint turned back to the pantry, the Pop-Tarts forgotten, and started selecting items. A few minutes later he faced the super-soldiers with an armful of boxes and bags. “Okay. We've got pancakes, Pop-Tarts, bagels, pastries, croissants, toast, energy bars, and cereal. And there's eggs and meat ad fruit in the fridge, and probably a waffle iron somewhere in the cabinets.”

 

Bucky stared at him in utter confusion. “I understood maybe three words out of that.”

 

Clint set the food down on the counter like he was being very cautious of something. When he spoke his words were strained and evenly spaced, like he was holding himself back. “James Barnes, please for the love of god tell me that you've had a Pop-Tart before.”

 

“Yes,” Bucky said. “I just don't know what most of the rest of that is.” He waved a hand at the stack of food on the counter as he leaned over to read the wrapper. “Apple cinnamon bread?”

 

Steve finally entered the conversation. “How about Clint and I just get up a sampler of everything, and you can figure out what you like? If you set the table and we get the cold foods ready, we can eat while we're waiting for the pancakes to cook.”

 

Bucky shrugged. “Whatever.”

 

“No, Bucky, really.” Steve put down the bag of bagels and turned to face him. “Do you want this? Or do you want to eat something else?”

 

“Oh, for crying out loud, Steve. Just because I say I don't care doesn't mean you have to ask if I really want something. Since I really have to spell things out for you, yes, I do want to try whatever it is that you have in the kitchen.” He thought for a moment, then pointed at Clint. “Unless he's the only one cooking it. No offense, Barton.”

 

“I'd say none taken, but I did almost poison my brother once, so... You've got a point. I'd hate to have to take you to a hospital.”

 

“You never mentioned your brother,” Steve said, cutting a bagel in half.

 

“Yeah, he's older than me. Name's Barney. He was Army, then FBI. Almost died a bunch of times and decided to get out of it. Lives in an apartment in New York.”

 

“Do you get along with him?” Bucky asked, stealing half a bagel while Steve's back was turned.

 

“A lot better than when we were kids. He's crashing in my place, too, so, I mean, we get along pretty well. Said he wanted to go back to the homestead but I don't know if he's actually left.”

 

“Homestead?” Steve repeated. “Weren't you from somewhere in Iowa?”

 

“Yeah, a little place called Waverly. The family place is still out there, but neither of us have seen it in years. We used to let people stay there as long as they keep the place fixed up. I heard it's been empty for a couple months now. Big storm blew a tree onto the front half and the roof hasn't been fixed yet. My brother doesn't have the money to fix anything and I've been busy with Avengers and SHIELD stuff.” Clint shrugged. “I guess I'll get around to it eventually. Hey, by the way, do you guys want to babysit a dog?”

 

“A dog?” Bucky repeated. “What kind?”

 

“Pizza dog.” Clint grinned at Bucky's confused look. “I think he's some kind of Yellow Lab or something, maybe a mutt? Long story, but he has one eye and likes pizza. Kind of like Director Fury, right, Steve?”

 

Steve chuckled. “I wouldn't know enough about Director Fury's eating habits to comment.”

 

“Steve, can we babysit the pizza dog?” Bucky asked. “Please?”

 

“Yeah, Bucky, of course.”

 

Clint clapped his hands together. “Perfect. I can drop him off today, tomorrow, whenever. But I've gotta get him somewhere before the weekend.”

 

“Bucky and I were going to go shopping today,” Steve mentioned. “We can meet you at your apartment after we're done?”

 

“Or he could come with us,” Bucky suggested. “I don't mind.”

 

“And we can get ice cream,” Clint stated. “Non-negotiable, Rogers. Ice cream. There's this really cool place – pun intended – with blue raspberry gelato. You two have gotta try it.”

 

“What's gelato?”

 

“Ice cream, but I guess it's some kind of Italian style ice cream? Who knows, it tastes good. That's what matters. So where are you guys thinking of shopping?”

 

Bucky and Steve exchanged a glance. “Well, we hadn't really planned that far ahead,” Steve confessed.

 

“I've got an idea,” Clint said.

 

“Uh-oh,” Bucky muttered.

 

“No, it's actually an idea that's pretty good. For once. Or at least not entirely illegal. We pull the Avengers card at the mall downtown and spend the afternoon there. Get the people out of the way so they don't freak Bucky out and find some clothes he likes. I mean, once he figures out what size he is and what he wants to wear, we wouldn't have to go shopping again if he didn't want to. You could order online.”

 

“Are you sure that's not illegal?” Steve asked, his brow furrowing.

 

“C'mon, Steve,” Bucky said. “It's a good idea. Anywhere else, there would be crowds. This is actually a really good idea.”

 

“Hey, JARVIS, ask Tony if we could actually do that without getting in trouble,” Clint requested.

 

JARVIS' smooth voice came from the ceiling several minutes later. “Sir says that if you are willing to wait until the afternoon the mall will be empty of all patrons.”

 

Clint crowed and pumped his fist into the air. “Oh yeah! Win for team Barton!”

 

Bucky snorted. “Team Barton?”

 

“Barton, Barnes, and Rogers sounds like a bunch of lawyers. And it was my idea, so... Team Barton.”

 

Steve shrugged. “Whatever.” He set a skillet on the stove and turned the burner on. “Do you know what we have to drink?”

 

It was Bucky who answered. “Milk, water, vodka, Dr. Pepper, and a bunch of different kinds of fruit juices.” He frowned as he opened the fridge door wider. “There's a lot of different juices in here. Kiwi watermelon? Orange peach? Tropical fruit?”

 

“That last one is actually pretty good,” Clint mentioned. “Can't say much about the others, but anything with 'tropical' on the tin is usually great.”

 

“I think I'll stick with something I've actually tasted before.” Bucky chose a carton of orange juice. “Steve, you want something?”

 

Steve glanced over at the carton in Bucky's hand. “I'll take orange juice too, thanks. Clint?”

 

“I've got an idea.” Clint took out half a dozen cartons of juice and the blender. He poured half a cup of the various juices in, blended them together, and poured it out into a glass. “Tastes good, actually.” Both men stared at him, looking equal parts intrigued and scandalized. “Wanna try?”

 


	3. Chapter 3

Steve managed to steer everyone through breakfast without Clint setting anything on fire. Bucky had tried a taste of Clint's fruit juice mix and had given it the straightforward label of 'strange'. He stole shamelessly from whatever food Steve was working with, but Clint bravely defended his own charges with a plastic spoon.

Breakfast was the most interesting meal any of them had had by far, which said quite a lot. The cinnamon raisin bagels, when toasted and coated in butter, quickly became a favourite with all three of them. Plain bagels and bread, even when toasted, were far inferior, although Bucky decided he might have a secret liking for the apple cinnamon toast. When Bucky gave a favourable opinion to croissants he was promised 'cronuts' by Clint, who agreed with the super-soldier's decision that the energy bars were too dry and crumbly for morning consumption. Steve liked the plainer cereals but Bucky got attached to the Froot Loops and chocolate puffs. Clint ate nearly indiscriminately, and when the pancakes were ready he dug through the fridge for an enormous variety of toppings.

“Whipped cream?” Bucky asked, fingers clinking against the spray can.

“Yes.” Clint stole the can and liberally applied its contents to his stack of pancakes. “Stick a finger out and you can try it.” He left a dollop on Bucky's finger and set it in the middle of the table. He didn't see Bucky's reaction to the taste, but he definitely noticed the super-soldier's hand shooting out to steal the can back. “And Tony got some good maple syrup, not the cheap Wal-mart kind.” The sticky note on the glass bottle read 'From Canada, with annoyance. Stark.' While Steve didn't seem to think much of the note, Bucky snorted in amusement as he broke the seal under the lid.

“Steve, you gotta taste this,” Bucky demanded. “It's good. Here.” After passing the bottle over the table, he waited as Steve poured a bit into a spoon and lifted the spoon to his mouth. Bucky grinned as Steve's eyes widened in surprise and he nodded enthusiastically. “Right? This decade's got lots more going for it than just you.”

Clint grinned. “You've got a keeper there, Cap. He likes you.”

“Of course I fucking like him,” Bucky growled. He leaned across the table, yanked Steve toward him by the front of his shirt, and kissed him, tasting the syrup and whipped cream in their mouths before pulling back. Steve's expression made him look like he'd just jabbed a fork into the nearest electrical socket – surprised, maybe a little shocked, but with a definite sense of love. His lips twitched upward as he looked at Bucky.

“You two,” Clint warned with a smirk, “better hope you can convince Tony not to blackmail you with this. Such a cute couple, though. Do you want me to deal with the dishes while you go do something?”

“We can help you with the dishes,” Steve began.

Bucky shushed him. “Thank you for the offer, Barton.” He pulled Steve into the bedroom and shut the door behind him, glancing back only once to catch the slightly scandalized but highly amused look on Clint's face.

“Do you not like doing dishes or something?” Steve asked.

“I mostly wanted to freak Tony out,” Bucky explained with a grin. “Since I'm sure he was watching, or will be eventually. Hope you're ready for a lot of teasing.”

Steve snorted and wandered across the room to flop on the bed. “You know what I think?”

Bucky followed him, shoving him over to get room for himself and laying down close enough that their hips touched. “Hmm?”

“While we're at the mall, we should get a fondue machine. Set it up in the room where we meet the team.”

Bucky howled with laughter. Even when his laughs died down he was still giggling. “You are horrible, Steven Rogers. Absolutely horrible. Let's do it.” He stretched up to brush his lips against Steve's cheek and nuzzled his nose into the side of Steve's neck.

Steve moved automatically, turning over to face Bucky and drawing his fingertips across Bucky's cheek. “If I'm horrible, I'll have to make up for it, won't I?”

Bucky hummed and his eyes half-closed. “You're forgiven as soon as you start playing with my hair.” Steve chuckled and obeyed, walking his fingers up to Bucky's scalp and carding them through the dark brown strands. In a few moments Bucky turned over so his back was against Steve's chest, giving him a better angle. Their legs tangled together and Bucky pulled Steve's free hand over his waist, twining his fingers between Steve's. He relaxed completely in Steve's hold, trusting the blond soldier more than he trusted himself at times.

“Where are we even going?” Bucky asked suddenly. “The shopping thing, I mean.”

“There's a mall downtown that Tony's kicking everyone out of for the afternoon,” Steve explained. “I don't know what kind of stores are there, actually. Never been. But most people in New York shop at malls, I think, so... Must be good?”

Bucky laughed softly and turned to face Steve. “That's very helpful, Steve,” he teased. “Guess we're both going into this blind, huh?”

“Clint probably has an idea,” Steve mentioned.

“And we should take Clint's ideas? The going-to-the-mall one is the only good one he's had while I've been here.”

Steve hummed, biting back a laugh. “Yeah, that may be true.”

“I like him, though. He doesn't act like he's afraid of me. Ever since he took me to break into Tony's floor and make margaritas, he's treated me like a normal human being. Most people couldn't do that. Sam's afraid of me. He tries to pretend like it's okay, but I can see it in his eyes. He's worried he'll do something wrong and I'll go after one of you.”

“I know you wouldn't do something like that, Buck,” Steve reassured him.

“Not knowingly. But if I fugue, Steve, you have to promise me you'll put your safety above mine. Knock me out if you have to, but don't let me hurt you. Waking up to what I did to you when we fought, I stood on the top of some bridge over the water ready to just take one more step and wipe the memory out. It hurt more than any of the other memories I had at the time, and believe me, I was starting to pick up plenty. The other victims were just faces and names. You were so much more.”

Steve pressed a soft kiss to Bucky's forehead. “I'll stop you. Don't worry. But I won't hurt you unless I have to.”

“Course you wouldn't, Punk.” Bucky kissed back, aiming a little lower than Steve had.

Steve made an agreeable humming sound deep in his throat, moving his hand to Bucky's hip. He deepened each kiss, little by little, and tugged Bucky's body a little closer with each one. Bucky started nipping at Steve's lips, ducking his mouth away to keep him from kissing back. Steve moved his hands up to Bucky's face and held him still long enough to land a kiss there.

Bucky growled into the kiss, a wicked smirk growing on his face. “Oh, you've done it now, Rogers. Think you can take on the Winter Soldier?” He flipped over so he was straddling Steve, holding the blond's hands down at his sides and leaning low over him to whisper ever so lightly in his ear. “You have no idea what I'm capable of.” He nipped at Steve's ear, kissed just underneath his hair, his cheek, his jaw. “Better be careful, soldier boy.” He gave a hard, long kiss on Steve's lips and rolled off, feet hitting the floor with barely any noise. “Maybe if you're good, I'll finish the job later.”

“No fair!” Steve yelled from the bed.

Bucky paused with his hand on the doorknob, glancing over his shoulder. “You'll have to make it fair, Captain.” He ran his tongue over his teeth, raising his eyebrows, and stepped out of the room. “JARVIS could you ask Stark how he's coming with that mall thing?”

The AI responded after only a brief pause. “Sir says the mall will be empty in approximately half an hour, Sergeant Barnes.”

“Thanks. Hey, Clint, you still here?”

“Vents,” Clint shouted back. A few seconds later his boots stuck out of the opening in the rafters, soon followed by the rest of the archer's body. “What's up?”

“Well, this PS4 thing has a remote with about twenty different buttons. Thought you might want to teach me something.”

“Dude, it's not a remote. It's a controller.” Clint walked to the end of the kitchen counter and jumped down. “And sure, I'll teach you.” He turned on the television and console. “What kind of games do we even have?” He browsed through a row of plastic cases and decided, “Looks like mostly racing stuff.”

“You pick,” Bucky suggested. “I don't know the difference between them.”

Clint chose a game and put the disc in the console. “Okay. First of all, you're holding the controller too upright.” He eased Bucky's controller down from its nearly vertical position. “And loosen up on it. It's gotta fit naturally in your palms, and you're not supposed to have a death grip on it.”

“Well, if I had a death grip on it, it would shatter,” Bucky pointed out.

“C'mon, you know what I mean. Don't hold it so tightly. Here, like this. See?” He showed Bucky how he was holding his own controller, tipped slightly toward the floor and with a loose enough grip that he was barely hanging onto it. “Like that, yeah.” By this time the start menu for the game had come up on the screen, and Clint chose a tutorial course. “I don't know how to play this game specifically, so we both need this.”

Bucky turned out to be a natural gamer – or a naturally horrible driver. Clint, whose record for traffic violations was longer than the rest of the Avengers' together, stood up and walked into the kitchen. In a few minutes, he'd written and signed a contract on a paper towel that solemnly swore he would never enter a car Bucky was driving.

“You would be a positively abysmal driver in real life,” Clint grumbled.

“If you want first-hand confirmation of that, you can just ask Brock,” Bucky agreed. “He thought I was going to kill him with my driving. He actually warned me to be more careful.”

“So you're on a first-name basis with the guy who led the team that worked with you as the Winter Soldier? He's HYDRA, dude. Why did you bring him along?”

“They turned on him and used him as a lab rat.” Bucky shrugged as his car careened around a sharp corner. “I know what that feels like. Figured it might have given him the wake-up call he needed to maybe want a different life. He said he joined HYDRA because he lost people and wanted to fuck the world up in retaliation.”

“I guess therapy wasn't an option?”

Bucky snorted. “Guess not. Although considering I went after HYDRA bases to punish them for punishing me, I'm not one to talk. I did kind of the same thing. Of course, taking out the rogue Nazi organization wasn't the same as joining them, I understand where he's coming from.”

Clint rammed his car into Bucky's. “Sure you're not projecting yourself onto him?”

Bucky glanced at him. “Projecting?”

“Yeah, I did counselling with Sam a while back. He said when you project yourself onto someone it means you're taking motives you would have and applying those motives to their actions. Usually it comes back to bite you because they're usually just in it for themselves rather than whatever noble motives you're projecting.”

“Would... I... did it, uh, help?”

“Yeah, I guess. There was some stuff I needed to get off my chest and they're not allowed to share any of it, so... I mean, the confidentiality part is pretty cool. Whatever you say, they can't share it. I mean, if you were talking about suicide like you were actually gonna do it, they'd probably have to tell someone. But if you're thinking of talking without going out to someone else, you could always talk to Sam if you want professional help. Just looking for a friend, though, you can always wander up to me and Nat. She's a pretty good listener, and I can't speak for myself but I think I'm okay too.”

A smile flickered across Bucky's face. “Yeah, I'll keep a mind on that. Thanks.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why did this take so long I'm sorry.


	4. Chapter 4

JARVIS' smooth voice came from the ceiling after their game ended. “Sergeant Barnes, Mr. Barton, sir has asked me to inform you that the mall is now empty.”

“Did you tell Steve, too? Bucky asked, setting his controller down on the table in front of the couch.

“Captain Rogers has been informed, Sergeant.”

“Thanks.” Bucky hopped over the back of the couch and walked to the elevator. “Clint, I'll meet you guys in the lobby. I've gotta get my boots.”

“Sure,” Clint agreed.

Ten minutes later, Bucky walked into the lobby, searching for Steve. The blond was standing next to Clint by the receptionist's desk, and Steve was talking to the girl there. Bucky approached shyly, hanging back so the two stood between him and the woman. “You ready?” he asked softly after Steve turned around.

“Yeah, if you are,” Steve agreed. “We're taking an extra car from the staff garage across the street. Clint's going to lead and I'll have your back.”

“Steve, if I've been taking out HYDRA bases, I can walk across the street without going into fugue.”

Steve blushed and rubbed his hand up the back of his beck. “Yeah, probably,” he confessed. “I guess I'm being too careful?”

Bucky smiled. “You always were. Except when it came to yourself. It's fine, Steve, I don't mind. C'mon, let's go. Never been to a mall before. Who's driving?”

“Not it,” Clint instantly declared.

Steve huffed dramatically. “Fine. I'll drive.” He picked up the keys the receptionist had given him and motioned for the others to follow him. Once they made it to the parking garage across the street, it took a few minutes to find the right car. Bucky claimed shotgun and Clint got in the backseat. “You want music, Bucky?”

“Sure.” Bucky twisted the radio dial until he found a song that sounded good. The scrolling text on the dashboard called it I'm So Sorry by Imagine Dragons. “Just imagine those dragons,” he drawled.

Clint laughed from the backseat. “He's sassy,” he told Steve. “I like it.”

“Just wait until margarita night comes back around,” Bucky said. He twisted to tuck one foot under him and to prop the other one up on the dashboard. “Steve, can I put the window down?” When he got permission to do so he rolled it all the way down and rested his elbow on the bottom of the frame. Clint shifted to the other side of the backseat to avoid the wind tunnel it created.

It only took twenty minutes to get to the mall. Clint made a quip about finding a good parking space as Steve pulled into a spot close to the entrance. Bucky didn't remember to put the window up but Steve had his back. The three walked toward the mall side by side, Bucky in the middle. He insisted they case the mall before shopping, and Clint took the upper level while the super-soldiers cleared the bottom floor. Once Bucky was satisfied that the place was safe, they got down to business. Nobody had any idea what Bucky would want to get, so they started working methodically through the mall, one store at a time. Fortunately the stores were still staffed, and Tony had given them each a practically limitless credit card.

“Thank God these cards don't have a limit on them,” Clint mentioned as they entered yet another store. Since they had the mall to themselves, they'd left their shopping bags full of previous purchases on a bench outside.

“How much are you planning on buying?” Bucky asked, a little startled.

Clint started ticking items off on his fingers. “You need an entirely new wardrobe because you've got literally no clothing of your own. Steve needs an entirely new wardrobe because he mostly dresses in workout clothes and button-down shirts, which is very last century. I need an entirely new wardrobe because I've ruined or lost most of my clothes and I'm supplied with a big bank account.”

“I don't think that last one exactly qualifies as a need,” Steve mentioned, entering the conversation from across a rack of t-shirts.

“Of course it does,” Clint protested. “Besides, I want to pick some stuff up for Nat, too. She's coming back from a mission in South America sometime this weekend, if everything goes okay. I don't know if we're going to go out or have a night in with a movie. Depends on how she's feeling.”

“What's her favourite film?” Bucky asked. Clint mentioned one and he shrugged. “If you think she needs a night in, tell her I've never even heard of it. She'll either garrote me with dental floss or show up with the movie.”

“Keeping in mind the working dental-floss-garrote theory, I'll be on standby,” Steve joked. “What about these, Bucky?” He held up a pair of light blue jeans.

“Toss 'em over.” Bucky caught them and held them up against his waist. “Yeah, they look like they'll fit.” Draping them across his arm with several other pairs of jeans and a jacket, he kept browsing one-handed until he got to the end of the row. “I'm going to try these on,” he mentioned.

“Here, take these too,” Clint said, extracting several hangars from the mess hung over his arm. Bucky picked them up as he walked past. “Tell me if they fit.”

Bucky cased the entire set of dressing rooms before choosing one near the set of mirrors on the wall. It didn't take him long to figure out what fit him and what didn't. He ended up wearing the light blue jeans as he tried on the shirts Clint had handed him. One was a gold-coloured lightweight sweater that was just heavy enough to be worn on moderately cold days. The other made Bucky's lips twitch up. The black tank top declared You call him hero, I call him mine in all-caps camo font.

“Hey Steve, whatcha think?” Bucky could tell Steve hadn't heard him coming by the way he jumped, and the blond had a faint blush across his cheeks as he turned. Whatever Steve was about to say died on his lips when he got a good look at Bucky. The jeans had turned out to be skinny jeans that fit Bucky exactly as they were supposed to, and Bucky had snagged a silver-studded black leather jacket with a cut that accented his jawline and shoulders. He'd pulled his hair into a ponytail somewhere around the second shop, but his hair was starting to come loose and several wisps were hanging around his face.

“I... I think...” Steve was obviously having a hard time coming up with the right words. He made a frustrated little sound deep in his throat and stepped forward, seeking Bucky's mouth with his. One hand rested on Bucky's hip and the other came up to cup his chin. Bucky put his hands on Steve's thighs and pushed him back until they hit a wall, then moved his grip up to the blond's hips.

“You stopped thinking yet, Rogers?” Bucky murmured. Steve mumbled something that was incoherent but clearly affirmative. Bucky stepped away, slipping his fingers across the bottom of Steve's chin. “Always keep your head on the battlefield, Captain. Never know what's gonna happen.” He glanced back over at his shoulder as he went back to the dressing rooms and chuckled to himself at the look on Steve's face.

“Clint, you ready to go?” Bucky yelled as he changed into his original clothes.

“Yeah, I figured I'd let you and Cap have some alone time before I came out.”

Bucky laughed. “Thanks, Barton, but we're not having sex in the middle of a mall. Even an empty one.”

“That's reassuring.” Clint waited for Bucky to come out of the dressing room and walked with him to the register. “Good to know you won't give the old man a heart attack.”

“I wouldn't count that out yet,” Bucky corrected him.

Clint laughed. “I'll make sure to knock before I drop through the vents. Hey, you wanna get some food?”

“Sure.” Bucky collected his bags from the cashier and smiled at her briefly. “What do they have?”

“Something unhealthy, hopefully. Best part is that there won't be any lines. Hey, Steve! We're going to the food court.”

“Be right there,” Steve yelled. Clint and Steve started walking toward the food court and Steve caught up with them soon after they had left the store. “What kind of food do they have?”

They ended up getting Subway at Clint's insistence. “Remind me to pick up a dozen footlongs on the way out,” he said as they threw the garbage away.

“For what?” Steve asked.

“There's a place where homeless guys flock together at this park a couple streets down from the Tower. I was thinking we could give some people dinner. After we drop all this stuff off at the Tower, I can walk down there.”

“And socks,” Bucky suggested. “They're always in demand. Most of us only had one pair, and of course they get dirty really fast.”

“Us?” Steve repeated.

“What did you think I was doing before I came back, Steve? Of course I was a hobo. Beat the shit out of some kids looking for some trouble once. Anyway, socks. Get colourful ones. None of us would admit it, but we liked them better than plain ones.”

Steve rested his chin on Bucky's shoulder, wrapping his arms around Bucky's stomach. “You could have come to me just for a roof over your head. I wouldn't have pressured you into anything.”

“Steve, you're doing that oh-my-god-I-should-have-taken-care-of-Bucky-better thing again. Hush.” Bucky pulled out of the embrace and bumped his hip against Steve's. “Come on, Clint's been telling me we need to look in Hot Topic.”

“Hot Topic?” Steve repeated.

“You've got to see it,” Clint told him. “And whatever you don't recognize, we're marathoning. TV, movies, music. Some of this stuff is really good.”

“These people really like the Avengers, don't they?” Bucky asked, an amused smile crossing his face. “What's Supernatural?”

“Heathen,” Clint muttered. “Might be a little scary for you guys. We'll see. Lots of jump scares and blood. Demons, werewolves, jinn, wendigoes. Crazy stuff, but necessary viewing.”

“Doctor Who?” Steve picked up a TARDIS replica. “Who's he?”

Clint snorted. “Very good question. There's a reason the show's name is a question. Bucky, you'll like River Song. She's a lot like Nat.”

“Hey, Lord of the Rings,” Bucky recognized. “And this... Star Wars, right? I've heard of them.”

“You guys haven't seen...? Movie night as soon as we're done with dinner. All six episodes.” Clint shook his head. “Heathens, I'm telling you, heathens.”

In the end, Clint got an assortment of t-shirts and trinkets from a dozen fandoms and bandoms, almost none of which was recognizable by the super-soldiers. Bucky recognized some of the bands from listening to the radio, but he was clueless about the rest. They wandered through half a dozen more clothing stores before stopping at a GameStop and a book store to round out their trip. Getting everything to the car took several trips, and Clint ended up sitting with his feet propped up on several shoeboxes. They did remember to get the extra Subway food, and Clint vanished to share them as Bucky and Steve got everything upstairs.

“What do you think I should wear to the meeting?” Bucky hung up several shirts in the closet of the spare bedroom on Steve's floor, poking through them for a few seconds. Nothing in particular caught his eye and he went back to the half-empty bags laying across the bag.

Steve came out of the kitchen and leaned against the door frame. “How much do you want them to know about... us? I'm okay with keeping it secret, or with sharing. Whatever works for you.”

“I'm okay with telling them,” Bucky said, shrugging slightly.

“Then how about this.” Steve came into the room, sorting through the clothes until he found what he liked. He laid out the tank top and jeans Bucky had worn earlier, with white sneakers and a soft, floppy hoodie coloured in wide bands of grey and black.

Bucky tilted his head, considering the outfit for a moment, and nodded. “Yeah, that works. Thanks. JARVIS, when's the meeting?”

“In approximately thirty-four minutes, Sergeant Barnes.”

“Gotta get ready, then,” Bucky muttered. Steve left him to his preparations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update cause you guys deserve it.


	5. Chapter 5

The half an hour before the meeting passed much too quickly for Bucky. He double-checked that he'd cut all the tags of the clothing, smoothing the fabric over his stomach and arms, and wondered if he actually looked normal. Most of his time was spent trying to figure out if he could slip weapons into his outfit. Eventually he settled for a pocketknife in the insole of each sneaker and a pistol concealed under the band of his jeans at the small of his back. At the last moment he barely remembered to brush his teeth, and as he practically ran to join Steve in the elevator he grabbed a peppermint from the bowl on the kitchen bar.

 

“What kind of excuse do you give for being late to a meeting two floors above you?” Bucky asked as he worked the mint out of its wrapper. One of the preferences he'd recovered informed him that he held a deep craving for peppermint, and he appreciated the fact that Steve had already had a stash on hand.

 

Steve chuckled. “I don't think we're quite late. The team will take a few minutes to get together. Plus, once we're all there, we have to get everyone's attention in one place and that in itself can be something of a challenge at times. We all get focused in the field, but at meetings it can get a little disastrous. One time Tony and Clint got in an all out Skittle-throwing war.”

 

Bucky laughed nervously. “From what I've heard, they sound like good people.”

 

“They've had my back more times than I can count,” Steve agreed. “You ready?”

 

“I better be, because the doors are about to open.”

 

The doors did indeed open at that moment. Steve bit back whatever he'd been about to say – an offer of postponing the meeting, likely as not – and led the way into the room. Tony was sitting at the head of the table, with a ginger woman sitting to his right. Beside her was a young woman and two men, none of whom Bucky recognized. On the other side of the table were Sam, Clint, and Natasha, in that order. Several other people were in the kitchenette, bickering over candy. Bucky tilted his head to see who it was but couldn't get a good look.

 

“Well, well, well, if it's not Capsicle and RoboCop,” Tony greeted them. “Meeting called to order! You guys get out of my kitchen and pay attention.” The talking in the kitchenette slowed and several people came out. Steve smiled at them but Bucky didn't know any of them so he glanced down at his hands in his lap. “Okay, Cap, you said you had something to talk to us about. Can I guess that it's about your friend here?”

 

Steve nodded. “I don't think I have to introduce Bucky to any of you, but I don't think it's the same the other way around. Starting with introductions might be the best way to go.” The ginger woman was introduced as Pepper, the young woman as Darcy, one of the men as Bruce, and the other as Rhodey. “Sam, Clint, and Nat you're familiar with. This is Wanda and Pietro Maximoff, twins, and Scott Lang. We make up the Avengers. Usually Thor would be here, but he's currently in Asgard.”

 

“I've gotta say I won't remember all of that,” Bucky said quietly, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “Lots of people. Steve says you're a good team.”

 

  
“We're flattered, Golden Boy,” Tony quipped. “Now that we all know each other, let's get to the point of the meeting. I have explosions to construct down in the lab.” Pepper gave him a look and he amended his words. “Of course, we all have all day to sit up here talking.”

 

“All right, then, we'll get down to business.” Steve slipped a hand under the table and Bucky twined his fingers with Steve's, his heart rate spiking. “You all know that Bucky came back to me for a few days before leaving again. I thought he was going to stay, but I was wrong. While he was gone, he was working on taking out HYDRA bases. If it weren't for him, we never would have known about or rescued the mutant kids we rescued yesterday. Rather than leaving again, he chose to come back to me. Er, to the Tower,” he corrected.

 

“He came here, then ran off. So, does he want to stay here again?” Tony asked.

 

“If you'd let me,” Bucky agreed. His voice was softer than usual and a little unsteady. “I-I know you have a lot of reasons why it wouldn't be a good idea, but...” Bucky rolled the peppermint in his mouth as he tried to choose the right words. “I would like another chance. HYDRA did their best to wreck my mind and change my body. I guess they did a pretty good job physically,” he agreed, lifting his metal arm for a moment. “But they couldn't overwrite who I was deep inside. And that's someone who wants to make amends for what he did as the Winter Soldier. Someone who wants to do good things, and be at Steve's side. I'd like your permission to do that.”

 

“The team,” Pepper prompted under her breath, when Tony was about to speak.

 

“Right, right,” Tony said. “Any questions from the rest of the table? Cause I've got one. How do we know you're not gonna freak out and try to murder somebody?”

 

“Oh, honestly, Stark,” Bucky said, exasperated. “We don't know that. Any one of us could flip if we're triggered. Even you, I bet, despite your pretense at being nothing more than a party boy in a metal exoskeleton. Living in this Tower is the safest place for me to be, because nowhere else can use a highly developed AI system to lock me down if I fugue. Plus, Steve is the person with the most influence over me in a normal state, so if I'm off somewhere else and lose it, he'd be tracking me down anyway. Staying here would make things easier for everybody.”

 

“And, uh, what security measures are we authored to take if you do fugue?” Bruce asked. His tired voice reminded Bucky of the audio equivalent of a comfortably old and frayed sweater.

 

Bucky had already thought this over. “Whatever you have to do to stop me. And if JARVIS or Sam or somebody says I'm too unstable, you have to keep Steve out. I know he won't appreciate it, but coming out of fugue with someone else's blood on my hands, even from a scratch, could set me back way further than any of us are prepared to deal with. The team's safety has to be a priority over mine. Serum means I'll heal faster than they would. I know Steve doesn't agree with that, but that's how it has to go.” He glared sideways at Steve to make his point. The blond sighed but held his tongue.

 

“What if you become unbalanced enough to need professional help?” Sam asked, folding his hands in front of him on the table.

 

“Then I'll try to get it. I don't think we could just walk into a local psychiatrist's office, but I'd be willing to try to work something out with someone. Y'know, I'm not saying that I'm gonna heal a hundred percent from what happened. I don't really think that's possible. But I think that there's a road to recovery, and that it'll be worth it even if it gets hard along the way.”

 

“What's your deepest fear?” Wanda asked. Pietro glanced sideways at her like he wanted to ask her a question but she wouldn't return his gaze, instead focusing on Bucky.

 

Bucky thought this a strange question, but he knew openness was the key to getting any of these people to trust him. “Losing myself or Steve to HYDRA. I... that...no.” He shook his head and tightened his grip on the hand holding his. “Wouldn't end well for either of us.”

 

Tony leaned back in his chair, a smirk growing on his face. “Speaking of you and Steve, care to comment on your wardrobe choice with that tank top, Sergeant?”

 

“I'd prefer if you called me Bucky. And yes, I would care to comment.” Bucky leaned over and kissed Steve, bringing his hand up to flip Tony off as he did so. The billionaire laughed as Bucky leaned back into his own seat. “Want me to say anything else on the subject?” Out of the corner of his eye, he could tell Steve was blushing bright red.

 

“I think Capsicle would need a defibrillator if you did.”

 

“I, uh, I hate to make this sound like an accusation,” Scott began. “But you seem to be in a pretty stable state of mind, considering all the stuff with HYDRA. Not that that's a bad thing, but, uh-”

 

Bucky spoke the question for him. “You want to know if I'm doing too well and if I'm going to backslide into the Winter Soldier because I'm internalizing my mess to look good?” Scott nodded sheepishly. “It took me a while to come back to Steve. And before that, I was dealing with the mess HYDRA dealt me.” He rubbed the back of his neck with his metal arm. “To be honest, I don't think I slept one day out of five. Nightmares made me wake up screaming every time I closed my eyes. Detox from all the drugs and suppressants had me thinking of hospitals. Couldn't stay around people cause they always called the cops on me. I had a lot of hallucinations and mood swings. Wasn't pretty. Even if I get blindsided by something again, I think I'd be able to handle it enough to at least get somewhere I could be contained. But of course I can't make any promises. Honestly, I don't think any of us could if we were pushed.”

 

“I am ready to admit that putting Bucky in the Hulk cell wasn't my shining moment,” Tony confessed. Bucky kicked Steve hard under the table to make him shut up before the blond had a chance to say anything. “But would you two be good with turning the office area on your floor into something like it? The lock could be engaged from the inside but you would need JARVIS or somebody on the outside to open it. You could lock yourself in but you wouldn't be able to get out while being all Wintery Soldiery.”

 

Bucky nodded. “That would work. Who would you get to do that?”

 

“It wouldn't take more than a few hours, except for the lock. We can just get a Stark Industries work team up here. So if you two want to take a day trip somewhere, everything would be cleaned up by the time you got back. The lock would be another day in production, maybe a little more, but it would just be me coming in, so that wouldn't be a problem.”

 

Steve, of course, had to say something. “Bucky, are you sure-”

 

Bucky slapped his hand over Steve's mouth. “That would be great, Tony. Thanks. Nat, do you think you could keep an eye on him while he's doing that? Make sure he doesn't set anything on fire, please.”

 

“Sure,” Natasha agreed, smirking at Tony, who looked faintly intimidated.

 

Steve pried Bucky's hand off his mouth. “I guess we're doing this, then.”

 

“Yes, darling,” Bucky replied, looking at Steve like he was thinking of a sinful dare.

 

“So, he gets to stay, right?” Clint asked.

 

“Clint!” protested the girl introduced as Darcy. “You can't talk about him like he's a puppy. Of course he's staying.”

 

“Uh, no,” Tony protested. “You're not an Avenger. You don't get a vote here.”

 

“I'm here as Jane's proxy, who is standing in for Thor. So, yes, I do, thanks very much,” Darcy shot back. When Tony looked like he was going to protest again, she pointed her finger at him and threatened, “I'll tase you.”

 

“JARVIS, I hope you got it on record that she threatened me. Anyway, let's vote on it, since Warrior Woman needs to get back to her scientist buddies.”

 

“He stays and I bring Lucky to the party we inevitably hold to welcome him,” Clint suggested.

 

“As long as he's okay with containment measures when appropriate, I'm fine with him staying,” Bruce agreed.

 

The rest of the team gave the same vote. Rhodey seemed a little hesitant but agreed as well. Darcy added she would try to convince Jane to show up to the party. Pepper said nothing, as she wasn't a member of the Avengers. Bucky got the feeling she was mostly there to keep Tony in line.

 

“Just a second,” Steve requested as the team started to get up. Everyone looked at him expectantly as he sat in silence for a moment, then sneezed. “Sorry.”

 

“God bless America,” Darcy said quietly. Bucky started laughing.

 

[Tony needs a babysitter, okay? And he's a lot less work than running Stark Industries, to be honest. Pepper is probably the single reason his dumb ideas haven't killed him. Her and JARVIS.

 

And come on, Bucky, you can't do stuff like that to Cap. Give him at least a little warning next time!

 

I'm so happy to finally get Darcy in here. She's one of my favourite characters. And of course she'd love to tase Tony. Lots of people would, actually.]

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't updated this in a month? I'm so sorry.


	6. Chapter 6

Bucky's 'welcome home' party was instantly slated for that evening. Clint and Nat disappeared to shop for the event. Rhodey, Tony, and Bruce returned to the lab floor of the Tower to get in as many science hours as they could before the actual event started. Darcy started conferring with Pepper about food and other preparations. The others settled in front of the television, bickering over gaming controllers, or sat down to watch. Steve took a seat at the edge of one of the leather couches and Bucky leaned his elbows on the back of the couch by Steve's head.

 

Clint unintentionally started the party early two and a half hours later when he arrived with Natasha and a dog. “Hey, I'm back,” he yelled through the candy bar sticking out of his mouth. A yellow dog panted at the end of the leash he had wrapped around his wrist, eagerly sniffing the scents.

 

“Dog!” Darcy shrieked. Her feet flailed in the air as she scrambled to get up from where she'd been laying across a huge leather armchair. “Clint, she's gorgeous. What's her name?”

 

“It's a he, and his name is Lucky.” Clint transferred all the plastic bags he was holding to one arm and let go of the dog's leash. Lucky immediately ran to Darcy, who dropped to her knees and started cooing over him. “Give him pizza and he'll probably end up sleeping in your room.”

 

“You're going to need a litterbox for that,” Natasha commented from her perch on the back of the couch next to Bucky.

 

“He has a name,” Darcy protested, sounding offended. “Clint, can I take him off the leash?”

 

“Yeah, sure,” Clint yelled from the kitchen. “And, JARVIS, Nat's right. Can I get a pee pad on my floor or something?”

 

“Of course, Mr. Barton,” the AI agreed. “Will you need other canine supplies as well?”

 

“Nah, I've got his dog food and stuff coming up in the elevator. Which means I have to get going for a minute, actually. Be right back.”

 

“What about all this stuff you just dumped on the kitchen floor?” Sam yelled, standing with the fridge door open.

 

“Be right back!” Clint repeated as the elevator doors closed.

 

“Sam, do we have pizza?” Darcy asked.

 

“It's the Tower,” he reminded her. “Half of us live on pizza and Pop-Tarts. The bottom shelf has the full boxes.”

 

Darcy took the pizza box Sam had fetched from the fridge for her and brought it back to the couch with her. “Anybody want some?” Pietro took several pieces, passing one to Wanda. “How about you, Bucky? You look pretty skinny. No offense, but you need food.”

 

Bucky stared at her like she'd grown several heads. “Uh... Yeah, sure. Pepperoni?”

 

“Yep.” Darcy held the box out for Bucky to snatch a couple pieces. Out of the two remaining slices, one went to Lucky and the other went to Darcy. “Pizza parties are the best. Do you guys seriously live on the stuff, though?”

 

“The scientists do,” Rhodey volunteered as he and Tony entered the room via the elevator. “I've seen them eat nothing else for days at a time.”

 

“Pietro's done the same,” Wanda volunteered with a small smile. “He eats a lot.”

 

“I need to eat a lot,” Pietro protested. “The metabolism.”

 

“You too?” Steve asked. “It took me a while to get used to all the food I needed after Project Rebirth. To be honest, I don't think any of the scientists were expecting that side effect.”

 

“Punk,” Bucky muttered, mussing Steve's hair. “You always ate a lot, even before the serum. I always told you to get a job at the store so you could just get paid in food, didn't I?”

 

Steve smiled. “Yeah, you did. Said I could live with you and your folks as long as I fed myself. Always pretended you wouldn't have the money to keep a 'big eater' like me. My ma appreciated it. It helped her to know that I had somewhere to live after she died, if I needed it.”

 

“See? You're housing me these days, but your ma was a smart dame. We always would've taken you in if ya needed it, Stevie.”

 

“Course you would've,” Steve agreed. “You wanna sit down instead of standing all day?”

 

Bucky shrugged, looking down at the top of Steve's head, but pushed off the back of the couch. He dragged one of the leather armchairs over so it was against the side of the couch and flopped down, his knees crooked over one arm of the chair and his metal fingers resting against the carpet. The hoodie and tank top rucked up along his body, exposing a strip of skin above the waistband of his jeans, but he didn't seem to care. Steve didn't protest when Bucky's fingers dragged Steve's hand down to rest on Bucky's hair. He brushed a few strands out of Bucky's face and started playing with the dark hair.

 

“That's adorable,” Darcy informed them.

 

Bucky looked over at her. “What?”

 

“The way you two trust each other.” She'd gotten rid of the pizza box but Lucky was sitting with his head on her lap, apparently oblivious to the lack of food. “I mean, anyone else that tried to start playing with your hair would probably lose a hand or something. But you trust him. Were you in love during the war, too?”

 

“That kind of thing wasn't allowed back then,” Bucky explained.

 

“I wish it was,” Steve murmured.

 

“Same. It would have been nice, being able to tell everyone else to fuck off and leave my boy alone.”

 

“Language,” Tony quipped.

 

“ _One time_!” Steve protested.

 

“One time?” Wanda repeated.

 

“It was during the Slovakia mission,” Tony told her. “Just before we met your brother. I took a hit and said, 'Shit!' and Steve yelled, 'Language!' On the spot – on the spot, mind you – I took a solemn oath to never let Steve live it down.”

 

Bucky laughed. “Steve, I can't believe you.”

 

“I was kind of stealing your line, actually,” Steve admitted.

 

“Bucky seems plenty fine with cursing,” Rhodey remarked.

 

“It was in a different context. One of the men who worked with the Howling Commandoes was always cursing. Every other word, at least. This one time we got surprised by Germans, and he didn't say a single curse word. Bucky had to remind him.”

 

Bucky smirked. “Sounds like something I would do. Who was it?”

 

“Mm, I can't really remember. I want to say... Dorinski? He was in a Pennsylvanian regiment but his folks were from Poland. Built like a guy that should have played for the NFL, but he got drafted into the war instead. When he got out he was going to try to get a contract, but he got shot in the leg and couldn't run any more. Started up a store, back Stateside, and always sent us food.”

 

Clint dropped through the vent in the kitchen. “Someone's talking about food? Aww, you had pizza without me. But hey Capsicle, how's the food these days compared to the 40s?”

 

“Lots better,” Steve replied. “And modern food-making has certainly enabled Bucky's sweet tooth. Plus there's fruit year-round that we can actually afford.”

 

“You still like peppermint, James?” Natasha asked.

 

“Who's James?” Clint answered.

 

“Bucky is a nickname, Clint,” Bucky clarified. “And yeah, Nat, I do.”

 

Natasha smiled. “JARVIS, can you order a couple dozen bars of dark chocolate peppermint bark?”

 

“Of course, Ms. Romanov,” JARVIS said. “They will be delivered in approximately forty-eight minutes.”

 

“Hey, J-Man,” Darcy piped up. “Can you send a message to Jane and ask her to fly in tonight?” Once the AI acknowledged her request, she settled back into her chair. “Are we watching a movie tonight?”

 

“These two have to catch up on Supernatural, Doctor Who, the Hobbit, John Wayne, and a lot more,” Clint insisted. “Either of you have an opinion on Western movies?” Steve thought they were 'okay'. Bucky had only a vague idea of what the genre meant and wanted to know what a hobbit was. “The Hobbit is the prequel trilogy to _Lord of the Rings_ ,” Clint explained. “Bit more violent because there's an orc that's a main character, but they're pretty good.”

 

“Can we watch that?” Bucky asked, deeply interested. Nobody else had opposing interests, so they all agreed, Darcy delightedly mumbling something about 'fanboys'. Bucky and Steve exchanged curious glances but neither one asked her what she was talking about.

 

“How about we start them now,” Pietro suggested. “We'll end up watching all three if he likes them, and that's a long time.”

 

“Good idea,” Clint agreed. “Everyone?” He received a chorus of assenting votes and put the first disc into the DVD player. JARVIS dimmed the lights and adjusted the sound on the television. As the previews started, Darcy got up to make popcorn and ended up making several bags to account for everyone in the gathering. Clint helped her distribute half a dozen bowls and put in two more bags for Steve and Bucky. Whenever someone saw an interesting movie, or one they recommended, somebody shouted out “List!” Steve's list had been digitally duplicated to allow JARVIS to keep track of everything that went on it, and the team took full advantage of that fact.

 

By the time the team had finished _An Unexpected Journey_ , it was late enough to have dinner. Pizza was downgraded to a side dish rather than a main course. Pepper and Darcy had gotten a list of all the foods Bucky needed to catch up on (as voted by the Avengers), and Natasha had contributed a few dishes she knew Bucky liked. As it was, the fully loaded table was a meal only a team of superheroes could have finished. Jane arrived halfway through the meal, prompting much cheering from Darcy and waves from Bruce and Tony. Steve introduced her and Bucky and gave a few sentences on her history with Thor.

 

“I tased him!” Darcy reminded them from her seat across from Bucky.

 

“You tased Thor?” Bucky asked, almost choking on his forkful of meatloaf.

 

“Yep,” Darcy confirmed cheerfully.

 

Bucky stared at her in disbelief for a second before grinning. “Fist bump,” he requested, holding out his human fist. She smiled back and bumped their knuckles together. “You go, kid.”

 

“Bucky, we usually don't encourage tasing people,” Steve told him.

 

“Yes, we do!” Clint protested. Natasha smiled as she reached to pick up her beer.

 

“Besides, it was only that one time,” Jane added.

 

Tony muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like, “Language”.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took way too long, I apologize.

**Author's Note:**

> This song help me. ('Broken' by Lifehouse, aka the Perfect Stucky Song) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6cdPeYJh0s
> 
> Also, the posting schedule on this part will be slower. I will be updating at least once a week, hopefully twice.
> 
> Okay, so this part of the series is gonna be hugely character-centered. Very little plot moving forward, but a lot of people getting screen time. I haven't written the rest of the team much, and I want to get a better take on them, so we'll see lots of them. And of course Bucky is going to be getting the same 'Welcome Back to Life' crash course that Steve did when he caught up on everything that happened in the world since the 40s. This is going to be the part in which I begin to explore Steve's and Bucky's relationship and how they relate to one another, not to mention how Bucky fits with the rest of the team. It will be covering very little movement forward as far as time goes. While there might be skips of a day or so, it will mostly be going over experiences Bucky has and how he responds to them.


End file.
